You Chinese If You Never Retire

You Chinese if you never retire.

Retirement seems like a great concept and has been taken up by Chinese living in the West - or has it? Do Chinese really ever retire? In China, there was no such thing as retirement; just working life and then death.

However, now that Chinese people have caught onto the concept of retirement and are forced to quit their jobs of daily sustenance, they find other things to do. They take care of the grandchildren, cook and clean for the extended family, or maybe sell their wares by the side of the road whilst chatting to their pals all day. You know nobody's gonna buy their stuff - they just do it to pass the time.

You Chinese If You Value Long Life.

You Chinese if you value long life.

Sure, you don't wear your seat belt when in the car, don't look when crossing the street, or take any other safety precautions, but you are obsessed with "long life."

Any words that sound like "long life," you say daily (and put on posters around your home). Any food whose name sounds like "long life," you eat daily. Any cigarettes whose brand is "long life," you smoke daily.

You don't wash your hands after touching raw meat or take other safety precautions, because the methods mentioned in the paragraph above certainly take care of the Chinese need for a "long life."

You Chinese If You Think This is Fat

You Chinese if you think this is fat.

Yes, you Chinese if you think these four girls are fat. You are looking at them now and are disgusted by the amount of fat they have around the stomach area. You're looking at the thighs and seeing chunks!

You Chinese.

For you, girls must be rail-thin. Her elbow joint must be bigger than her upper-arm. You must be able to see her ribs. When she sits down on a hard surface, she must hurt her ass because it's so bony. She must also have the figure of a cylinder (as opposed to hour-glass).

You Chinese If You a Man and Wear Speedos

You Chinese if you a man and wear speedos.

When you go to the beach, do you slip on what looks like a bikini bottom... but you are a man?! Do you prefer package-enhancing speedos over package-dehancing surfer shorts?

If so... you Chinese. Or maybe, you European. In this picture, the guy in front is European, but check out his Chinese friends in the background.

You Chinese If You Sexist

You Chinese if you sexist.

Yes... all real Chinese are sexist, and it's all Confucius' fault. Yes, revered as he is, he was a sexist bastard. Or maybe, he just had his disciples write down the sexism that was already prevalent in society?

Did you read the last post? Well, why is it that the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law would argue? WHY?! The reason is because a woman in a Chinese household is basically a slave. There's a Chinese saying that says when a female is young, she's controlled by her father; when she's older, she's controlled by her husband; and when she's really old, she's controlled by her son. YUP.

As you can see, mother-in-law expects daughter-in-law to take over all the duties she previously had (cleaning, cooking, washing, etc.); just as her own mother-in-law had done. And inevitably, the daughter-in-law resists. But, resistance is futile.

Sure, this is sexism against your own sex, but if you Chinese, you don't care. You carry it out, regardless. In fact, you carry it out more harshly if you're a woman; you prefer sons to daughters, you bully your daughter-in-laws, you treat your son's children better than your daughter's children, etc.

Polygamy is also not really illegal in Chinese culture. There are plenty of the really older generation who currently have more than one legal wife. And if it's not legal, you can bet that Chinese men who can afford it have a legal wife and several girlfriends on the side. Why else would they leave their family in one country, and "work" in another?

And see this picture? That's anguish on the wife's face, not pleasure. How can one feel pleasure when being poked from behind by a breadstick?

You Chinese If You Have Mother-in-law - Daughter-in-law Problem

You Chinese if you have mother-in-law - daughter-in-law problem.

If you are a man, and your wife hates your mom: you Chinese. If you are a woman and you hate your husband's mom: you Chinese. If you are an older woman and you hate your son's wife: you Chinese.

There's no reason to hate each other... but Chinese just do it. Westerners, in contrast, hate other people. For Western people, usually the husband hates his wife's parents; the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law normally get along beautifully!

So what does this huge cultural difference mean? It means that people are making this shit up and there's actually no reason to hate each other. Okay, well... they're not making it up. It's actually due to the sexism against females in Chinese culture. I'll explain that in the next post.

So... if your family have the problems: you Chinese.

P.S. If you the husband - it's your responsibility to keep your wife and your mom on good terms. Otherwise, you what Chinese call "mixed egg."

You Chinese If You Follow the Crowd

You Chinese if you follow the crowd.

Yes, it's true; Chinese people are not individuals - they are a herd of animals whom are together. Don't you know that the smallest unit of existence in Chinese culture is the family? In Western cultures, the smallest unit is the individual, of course.

Do you ever find yourself going through the same door that the person in front of you went in? Do you find yourself drinking the same drink as others? Do you find yourself going to the same places and doing the same things as others?

You may not be Chinese just yet! To qualify as Chinese, you must do the total crowd-following. Do you line up, just because you see other Chinese lining up? Do you buy the stocks that other Chinese people buy? Do you park your car in the wrong area, even though you can read English and those other Chinese can't?

If you exhibit herd behavior and you follow the crowd: you Chinese.