You Chinese If You Wear Face Mask All the Time

You Chinese if you wear face mask all the time.

If you don't live in Asia, you probably aren't used to seeing people walk around with face masks. This, however, is a common thing in Asia. Normally, someone who is sick and doesn't want to pass their illness on to others wears a face mask. That's positively considerate, isn't it?

Otherwise, people in Asia might wear a face mask because they ride their scooter or moped all day through the polluted streets.

However, face masks made a big appearance in the West when SARS reared its ugly head. You started seeing who the Chinese (err... Asians in general) really were. What? You were too embarrassed to wear a face mask out in public? Then you not Chinese enough!!!

Now, with Swine Flu (H1N1) in full force out there... it's not just Chinese who are donning their face masks.

You Chinese If You Free Refill One Cup For Whole Family

You Chinese if you free refill one cup for whole family.

Has your family ever gone to McDonald's or any other fast-food restaurant that offers free refills? What does your family invariably do? Yes, they buy only one drink and ask for several little cups. Each family member is given a little cup and poured some drink from the main cup... and then the main cup is taken back to be refilled.

I know... it sucks when your family isn't all that rich. But if you Chinese and you rich - you still do this. Your family probably also only buys one combo meal and then extra sandwiches on the side. You'll all share the fries and the drink.

You Chinese If You Old Lady and Cut in Line

You Chinese if you old lady and cut in line.

Are you an obnoxious old lady who elbows her way through the crowded streets of the evening vegetable market? Do you cut in line, even when you clearly see that there are a hundred people waiting? At the supermarket, when you're at the back of the line and a new checkout lane opens... do you shove everyone outta the way and get to the front? If so... you Chinese.

If some old Chinese lady does this to you... you not necessarily Chinese (but you do shop where Chinese shop). However, if this old lady is your mom or grandma, yep, you Chinese.

You Chinese If You Do You Homework

You Chinese if you do you homework.

Did your parents always pester you to do your homework? Did they make sure that your homework was done? Did they sit you at your desk and force you to finish your homework while all the "plain" kids were playing on the street outside? Yes, you Chinese, my friend.

If you think you Chinese, but your parents didn't force you to do your homework... you must be several generations removed from China. But still, your parents think Confucius is the man.

You Chinese If You Learn Violin

You Chinese if you learn violin.

If you've ever taken violin lessons and given up - you Chinese. If you've ever taken violin lessons and are still taking them - you a super Chinese! Of course, all Chinese think Western stuff is better than Chinese stuff, and so send their children to violin lessons, instead of letting them learn the far superior Erhu.

You Chinese If You Home Have Mothballs

You Chinese if you home have mothballs.

Do you have fond memories of the smell, touch and taste of mothballs? If so, you Chinese and you spent a lot of time with your grandparents. Ahh... the fond memories of crawling around in your Ah-Poh's (or Poh-Poh's) closet and finding these little mysterious white balls. You also probably found them in the toilet, too.

You Chinese If You Plastic Wrap Furniture to Keep it Long Time

You Chinese if you plastic wrap furniture to keep it long time.

Yes, if your family doesn't unwrap new furniture, in order to keep it looking new - you Chinese. If your family in fact wraps new furniture to keep it looking new - you Chinese. If your family covers nice furniture in ugly-ass cloth to keep it looking new - you Chinese.

Contradictory as it is - uglifying new furniture by wrapping it up in ugly and uncomfortable plastic - Chinese people do this to keep their furniture "looking new." It is a paradox, though.

Like, why would you make new, nice furniture ugly right away, so that it could look about 85% beautiful when the wrapping finally comes off ten years later?

You Chinese If You Never Retire

You Chinese if you never retire.

Retirement seems like a great concept and has been taken up by Chinese living in the West - or has it? Do Chinese really ever retire? In China, there was no such thing as retirement; just working life and then death.

However, now that Chinese people have caught onto the concept of retirement and are forced to quit their jobs of daily sustenance, they find other things to do. They take care of the grandchildren, cook and clean for the extended family, or maybe sell their wares by the side of the road whilst chatting to their pals all day. You know nobody's gonna buy their stuff - they just do it to pass the time.

You Chinese If You Value Long Life.

You Chinese if you value long life.

Sure, you don't wear your seat belt when in the car, don't look when crossing the street, or take any other safety precautions, but you are obsessed with "long life."

Any words that sound like "long life," you say daily (and put on posters around your home). Any food whose name sounds like "long life," you eat daily. Any cigarettes whose brand is "long life," you smoke daily.

You don't wash your hands after touching raw meat or take other safety precautions, because the methods mentioned in the paragraph above certainly take care of the Chinese need for a "long life."

You Chinese If You Think This is Fat

You Chinese if you think this is fat.

Yes, you Chinese if you think these four girls are fat. You are looking at them now and are disgusted by the amount of fat they have around the stomach area. You're looking at the thighs and seeing chunks!

You Chinese.

For you, girls must be rail-thin. Her elbow joint must be bigger than her upper-arm. You must be able to see her ribs. When she sits down on a hard surface, she must hurt her ass because it's so bony. She must also have the figure of a cylinder (as opposed to hour-glass).

You Chinese If You a Man and Wear Speedos

You Chinese if you a man and wear speedos.

When you go to the beach, do you slip on what looks like a bikini bottom... but you are a man?! Do you prefer package-enhancing speedos over package-dehancing surfer shorts?

If so... you Chinese. Or maybe, you European. In this picture, the guy in front is European, but check out his Chinese friends in the background.

You Chinese If You Sexist

You Chinese if you sexist.

Yes... all real Chinese are sexist, and it's all Confucius' fault. Yes, revered as he is, he was a sexist bastard. Or maybe, he just had his disciples write down the sexism that was already prevalent in society?

Did you read the last post? Well, why is it that the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law would argue? WHY?! The reason is because a woman in a Chinese household is basically a slave. There's a Chinese saying that says when a female is young, she's controlled by her father; when she's older, she's controlled by her husband; and when she's really old, she's controlled by her son. YUP.

As you can see, mother-in-law expects daughter-in-law to take over all the duties she previously had (cleaning, cooking, washing, etc.); just as her own mother-in-law had done. And inevitably, the daughter-in-law resists. But, resistance is futile.

Sure, this is sexism against your own sex, but if you Chinese, you don't care. You carry it out, regardless. In fact, you carry it out more harshly if you're a woman; you prefer sons to daughters, you bully your daughter-in-laws, you treat your son's children better than your daughter's children, etc.

Polygamy is also not really illegal in Chinese culture. There are plenty of the really older generation who currently have more than one legal wife. And if it's not legal, you can bet that Chinese men who can afford it have a legal wife and several girlfriends on the side. Why else would they leave their family in one country, and "work" in another?

And see this picture? That's anguish on the wife's face, not pleasure. How can one feel pleasure when being poked from behind by a breadstick?

You Chinese If You Have Mother-in-law - Daughter-in-law Problem

You Chinese if you have mother-in-law - daughter-in-law problem.

If you are a man, and your wife hates your mom: you Chinese. If you are a woman and you hate your husband's mom: you Chinese. If you are an older woman and you hate your son's wife: you Chinese.

There's no reason to hate each other... but Chinese just do it. Westerners, in contrast, hate other people. For Western people, usually the husband hates his wife's parents; the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law normally get along beautifully!

So what does this huge cultural difference mean? It means that people are making this shit up and there's actually no reason to hate each other. Okay, well... they're not making it up. It's actually due to the sexism against females in Chinese culture. I'll explain that in the next post.

So... if your family have the problems: you Chinese.

P.S. If you the husband - it's your responsibility to keep your wife and your mom on good terms. Otherwise, you what Chinese call "mixed egg."

You Chinese If You Follow the Crowd

You Chinese if you follow the crowd.

Yes, it's true; Chinese people are not individuals - they are a herd of animals whom are together. Don't you know that the smallest unit of existence in Chinese culture is the family? In Western cultures, the smallest unit is the individual, of course.

Do you ever find yourself going through the same door that the person in front of you went in? Do you find yourself drinking the same drink as others? Do you find yourself going to the same places and doing the same things as others?

You may not be Chinese just yet! To qualify as Chinese, you must do the total crowd-following. Do you line up, just because you see other Chinese lining up? Do you buy the stocks that other Chinese people buy? Do you park your car in the wrong area, even though you can read English and those other Chinese can't?

If you exhibit herd behavior and you follow the crowd: you Chinese.