You Chinese If You Don't Close Door Behind Youself

You Chinese if you don't close door behind youself. How many times have you done this? The more, the Chineseier.

What kind of person opens a closed door, walks in, and then does not return it to the closed position? A Chinese person, that's who.

In the springtime, it's not so bad... but when it's -40 outside and the wind is blowing like crazy, it's not so nice to walk into someone's house and not close the door behind yourself.

What is the deal with that?

You Chinese If You Use High-Beams All Time

You Chinese if you use high-beams all time. Yes, you are Chinese if you drive around with your high beams on. You're super Chinese if you don't even know what high-beams are, yet you drive around with them on!

What's the deal with Chinese people driving around with their high beams on? This one Chinese dude was annoying me by blinding me from behind... so I let him pass then flashed him like crazy. Coincidentally, we pulled up beside each other and so I told him to turn his high beams off. My initial anger wore off when he didn't even know what high-beams were, and when he didn't even know that he had them on. Ignorance is not an excuse, but hey, at least it's not on purpose (and neither is their crappy driving).

So please, if you're Chinese, learn that high-beams = 遠光燈

And in Canada or America... you can't drive with them on unless there are no cars around and you're in the back countryside!

You Chinese If You Go Shopping in Crowds

You Chinese if you go shopping in crowds. Yes, you are Chinese if you take your entire extended family shopping with you.

In the picture, yes, that is the entire family of the lady in the white shirt pointing to the tasteless LV bag that she wants.

Aside from wondering why she wants the crappy LV bag is the question of why she brings her entire extended family and crowds up the store.

They come in as a huge group and talk really loudly and take up valuable retail space and only one person is shopping. Is this their way of manifesting "safety in numbers"? Or is it meant as intimidation to the other shoppers and to the sales people?

You Chinese If You Want Face-South House

You Chinese if you want face-south house. Yep... every time you live somewhere, the main entrance has to face south.

Funnily enough, even Chinese people in North America want their house to face south. On the other hand, locals want their houses to face east, so that the sun is over their backyard in the evening for BBQ fun.

What Chinese people don't realize, however, is that there is no Monsoon in North America, thus negating the need for your house to face south. Moreover, houses in North America don't have front courtyards like in China... which means that even if there was Monsoon here, facing south wouldn't do you any good. Even moreover is the fact that windows at the rear of North American houses are always HUGE... whereas in China they are small in order to lessen the effects of the cold winds blowing down from the Northern Steppe. Also... in North America, the winds blow east-west...

You Chinese If You Look Like You Husband/Wife

You Chinese if you look like you husband/wife. You purposely sought-out a partner that looks like your brother or sister... but is not!

Yes, why do Chinese people have a thing called, "couple face," when in reality it's properly brother-sister face? Ewe... it does disgust me, but Chinese people love it! The more you look alike, the more you have couple face - and that's supposed to be a good thing.

I don't know what's so great about looking like brother and sister, though.

Notice how this family's mother and father look like uncle and aunt (from the same parents)...

You Chinese If You Ask Everybody Who Yellow Can Speak Chinese

You Chinese if you ask everybody who yellow if can speak Chinese. You yellow, you can speak Chinese, no?

Doesn't it goddamn anger you when some obnoxious Chinese person comes up to you and yells in your face, "You speak Chinese?!"

For fook's sake! This is Canada! Speak some English or take some English lessons. I know, I know, you've been here for over a decade and you only hang out where other Chinese people are, so your English is worse than when you left China. At least don't YELL then!

I don't mind so much when people ask me in Chinese if I can speak Chinese, which makes a lot more sense. That way, if I give them a blank stare, they'll understand. If they ask in English... man, that is annoying. FIRSTLY, there are many dialects of Chinese, so be specific! Some people ask me if I can speak Chinese and when I say yes, they start blabbing away in some dialect I can't understand. C'mon, name the dialect! Re-phrase your question, "Do you speak Mandarin?"

I am Chinese, so it's not so aggravating when Chinese people ask me if I can speak Chinese (the yelling is another story)... but what if I was Korean for fook's sake?! Imagine a Korean guy working in a Chinese area... I imagine he'd get pissed off daily. Next time someone annoying asks me if I speak Chinese, I'll say, "I'm Korean/ Japanese/ Vietnamese/ Thai/ Laotian/ Mongolian/ Burmese/ Cambodian/ Filipino/ Malaysian/ Tibetan/ Indonesian/ or Eastern Russian."

You Chinese If You Water Down Liquid Soap

You Chinese if you water down liquid soap.

Let's face it, Chinese are cheap and they do whatever they can to save money. So... the most obvious thing is to add water to liquid soap! It could effectively increase the life of one bottle of liquid soap by ten times. Not only that, but the children won't waste as much.